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How to get people to do what you want
In his humorous and insightful TED Talk, director Barry Sonnenfeld shares nine unconventional rules he’s learned over a 40-year career in film and television to get people to do what you want — without force, conflict, or manipulation. Drawing on quirky anecdotes and behind-the-scenes experiences, he emphasizes the power of subtlety, preparation, and psychological insight.
One of his key lessons is to always prepare for the worst. As a self-proclaimed pessimist, Sonnenfeld believes that imagining what could go wrong actually helps you remain calm and effective in difficult situations. He also discourages obvious comedic signals, insisting that jokes work best when played straight — a rule that applies to both acting and communication in general.
Punctuality, according to Sonnenfeld, is a non-negotiable trait. Being on time builds credibility and shows respect for others’ time, making people more likely to listen and cooperate. He also challenges the traditional idea of climbing the ladder one rung at a time, encouraging people to take creative leaps and find shortcuts where possible.
Another of his standout principles is letting others feel like they’ve made the decision. Whether it’s actors, producers, or executives, he suggests planting ideas rather than commanding them — a strategy that allows people to feel empowered while still achieving your intended outcome. He also humorously advises not to stand at the edge in group photos, a metaphor for placing yourself in positions of visibility and influence.
Sonnenfeld’s stories include building a “fort” in his office to deal with a toxic producer, emphasizing the importance of standing your ground in non-traditional ways. He also advocates for cutting beloved ideas if they no longer serve the goal — a tough but essential part of leadership and creative work.
In a memorable example, he describes carrying a photo of a perfectly cooked steak to help an actor evoke the right emotional reaction, showcasing the importance of strange but effective preparation tactics. Ultimately, Sonnenfeld’s talk is not just a guide to directing — it’s a light-hearted yet profound take on persuasion, leadership, and navigating human behavior in any field.